i won't tolerate it any longer

People, the white liquid full of proteins that tastes amazing with rich desserts is pronounced "mĭlk" in the English language. Please notice the spelling:

M-I-L-K

The letter after "M" is an "I". So why, you ask, do some people refer to this as melk...M-E-L-K?? I have no idea. I have tolerated this racket since I was a child and it has always bugged me.

So, I motion that any person who refers to the substance as MELK be mandated to participate in hooked on phonics as their sole form of entertainment from this day forth. If they can demonstrate that they have recovered from this grave error, we can release them into the world again, but until then...it just isn't safe.

million dollar idea

How come breakfast is not included in the "meals that are delivered" category? The more I think about the more I realize how mealist this is. It just isn't fair!


If anybody reading out there would like to bring me a croissant sandwich with eggs, cheese and sausage I would not complain and I would tip you.

golden red deliciousness

One of my favorite games is Apples to Apples. It's so good, just like the fruit after which the game is named. It's perfect because it doesn't take hours and it certainly is not brain-numbing.

Last weekend, one round of Apples to Apples put all previous games to shame. It was a total power play, and awaiting the final decision was more tense than awaiting Nadia Comaneci's uneven bar routing score in Montreal in 1976 (which was a 10 btw).

I'm so thankful I wasn't personally faced with this difficult decision. The 12 people actually in the room were on the edge of their seats and I'm almost certain all of Whistler Village stopped and sweated in anticipation. The pic says it all and in the end, the right decision was made.

jeremy appleseed

My friend Jeremy has numerous talents, one of which is eating an entire apple...almost to the point where there is nothing left. It's pretty ridiculous.









I'm a little more finicky when it comes to produce. I imagine I would starve should I ever be faced with my own "into the wild" situation. Jeremy would livestrong...like Lance. He would probably also start a profitable anklet line.

cornbread from pouch boycott

I'm trying to start an international "cornbread made from a pouch" boycott. Who's with me?

I have proof that disasters of incomprehensible proportions occur with the preparation of Marie Callender's Cornbread Pouches. There are enough terrible things going on in the world. Let's pull together and rid the world of this obvious trouble maker.


Exhibit A: I was asked to bring cornbread to a dinner party. Naturally, I thought a pouched mix was the way to go. BUT...when all was said and done, the cornbread turned out funny.... I was ridiculed and blacklisted from dinner parties all over Seattle.

Exhibit B: A group of us smuggled Marie Callender's Cornbread Pouches across the border to prepare a feast in Canada. The effort was sabotaged. It was messy.

I beg you all to please make a conscious decision next time you're at the grocery. Do not let this vile pouch into your cart or basket! Together we can conserve time, energy and SOS pads. Do it for the children.

**I in no way suggest the boycott of other flavored breads. Please keep consuming banana, pumpkin, cinnamon raisin and even zucchini breads. Let it be clear that the only war I wage is on Marie Callender's Cornbread (from a pouch).

let's be honest...

It's time for the elderly to come clean about their age, because cashiers at an Oregon Dairy Queen aren't mind readers, ok?

good pet owners

In addition to picking up excrement, a good pet owner will share their holiday presents with their pet...especially kitsch.
While normally I'm not a fan of dressing pets, I made an exception this holiday season. Once I saw the look on Murray's face I couldn't help myself. He's thrilled! He's seriously having a really hard time containing his excitement about the new holiday socks...

pet owners

I understand and accept that Seattle is a "dog-friendly" city. I love dogs, even though I am a non-owner. But there is a point when dog owners become the shittiest type of human companions. For crying out loud...if you own a dog, part of the deal is that you also own the responsibility of picking up it's shit. Isn't that page one in the new puppy manual?

Needless to say I was less than thrilled when I almost stepped in this on my way to work. The one thing I admire is how it is perfectly centered on the sidewalk.


**this post is dedicated to saldie.